Being gay kind of sucks sometimes
...but it's also sort of a superpower too
Being gay isn’t just about who you’re attracted to… it’s about how you move through the world. It’s learning to shape-shift without realizing you’re doing it. Smiling to make others comfortable, shrinking to avoid conflict, turning parts of yourself up or down depending on who’s watching.
It’s a constant calibration. Not just to survive, but to be accepted. It’s laughing at jokes that aren’t funny just to stay included, and hiding heartbreak behind humor because that’s what’s expected.
Being gay is constantly editing yourself. You become fluent in self-censorship; a softening of voice, a hesitation before holding someone’s hand. It means navigating a maze of contradictions. Too bold, and you’re a threat. Too loud, and you’re a stereotype. Too quiet, and you’re ashamed. Too proud, and you’re flaunting it. Too private, and you’re hiding something. Too sexy, and you’re asking for it. Too plain, and you’re invisible.
You want love, but worry it comes with conditions. You seek community, but find it laced with unspoken rules: body type, masculinity, status. Sometimes it feels like another closet, just with better lighting.
And yet… there’s something sacred about still being here. Still choosing softness in a world that tried to harden you. Still showing up, even when it’s easier to disappear. Still believing in love, even after everything. It’s certainly not a tragedy, but it is a heavy weight. And carrying it with grace is a kind of strength most people will never understand.
For a long time, I thought something was wrong with me.
Not because I was gay, but because I never quite fit the mold of what gay was supposed to look like. I wasn’t sculpted enough. I didn’t speak in memes. I didn’t go to the right clubs or know the right people. There’s a weird kind of loneliness in being part of a community where you still feel like an outsider. You escape one closet just to enter another. One lined with unspoken rules and filtered expectations.
Sometimes it feels like being gay isn’t enough unless you have a six-pack, a sharp jawline, and a curated personality. It feels like you’re constantly auditioning for approval from people who are just as insecure as you are. No one says it outright, but you feel it. You feel it in the way people look through you at the bar, or the way silence follows your latest post because it didn’t scream sexy enough.
There’s pressure to constantly perform. To be funny, but not too weird. Hot, but not too full of yourself. Soft, but not too emotional. It’s exhausting trying to be something other than what you actually are. But I’m slowly realizing that maybe I don’t need to fit perfectly into this scene. Maybe I’m enough without the bells and whistles. Maybe there’s more power in authenticity than in acceptance.
I still struggle. I still compare. I still scroll through apps and wonder if I’m desirable, if I matter. But I’m learning to speak to myself with more compassion, to take up space as I am, not as I’m told to be.
Some days, my sexuality feels like rebellion. Other days, it just feels like exhaustion. But still… I show up. Flawed, tired, and trying. Because even when the world makes it hard to be me, I refuse to be anything else.
Ultimately, I’m an individual before anything else. Yes, I’m gay, but I’m also a thousand other things. Too often, people reduce me to just that one detail, making assumptions about my personality, my interests, even my values, based solely on who I’m attracted to. That narrow lens doesn’t just miss the bigger picture; it erases it. And honestly, that’s something we don’t talk about nearly enough.
But here’s what gives me peace: I get to define myself. Not the assumptions. Not the stereotypes. Me. Every day, I step more fully into the truth of who I am. Complex, vibrant, and constantly evolving. My identity isn’t a limitation. It’s a palette. And I’ve only just begun to paint.
Thank you for reading. Paid subscribers can leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your thoughts. Until next time…
Love always,
- G
